1990
Not since Bess Truman have we had a First Lady of the land who did not look vaguely anorexic or was face-lifted to distraction. Barbara Bush is a refreshing breath of reality in the White House She lets you know it's o.k. to be white haired, pleasantly plump and wear fake choker pearls, and look like somebody's grandmother.
She believes strongly in the importance of grandchildren. She calls hers The Grands. I like that.
It's been said that grandchildren are a parents' second chance...when they have more time! Allotting the time is the secret. Good grandparenting takes time. It is an art in itself.
It includes such mundane things as babysitting to give your own child a break, but there are so many sublime opportunities to bond with that new generation of your genes that it can become a game to see all the nooks and crannies where 'the Grands' can be included in your life. It can mean mini vacations at your house. It could be camping trips to teach them about the great outdoors. You can be pen-pals if you live at a great distance, they love to get mail. Being creative about grandparenting is as simple a thing as opening your mind to the possibilities.
PHOTO FACTS
Through The Eye Of A Camera
When our first grandchild was born, I volunteered to be the official photographer. I took pictures of the Hospital marquee, the family waiting room, the labor room, the nursery window before the arrival and after. I'd have been in the delivery room too, if I'd been allowed. Some hospitals do encourage this. Some allow a camcorder to record the entire event. Personal preference of the new parents to be should be the guideline.
Later I prepared a special photograph album with all the pictures and details and comments of the day. This is the time when it's nice to include in the album a weather report and the front page headlines of the baby's birth day. I realize you can get all those things computerized nowadays, but it's more cost effective and personal to do them at the time. In fact you might want to incorporate news items from the towns of the other grandparents too.
SOUND EFFECTS
Get To Know Your Tape-Recorder
Before the baby's birth, I tape record water sounds. The washing machine, the dishwasher, turning on and off the kitchen faucet, a shower running. These sounds played back later to a fussy baby can lull them back to sleep. It's kind of a 'back to the womb' experience and will only work for the first few months, but anything is worth a try when you've tried everything else! Of course you want to be sure that the baby has been fed, changed and comforted before using this method, but when nothing else works, the water sounds will. $100.00 teddy bears with a similar recording in it's tummy are available at department stores, but again...not nearly as thoughtful or as personal. This is just another 'one of a kind' thing a grandparent can do.
DEDICATION
Baby's First Letter
Sometime during a new grandchild's first week of life, when the excitement is fresh and feelings are bubbling from your heart, it's a good time to write the baby' first letter from you. I start my letters out with a description of what we were doing the day they came into this world. Then, like it is something to enclose in a time capsule, I enter facts about what World is like at this time. I tell the price of gasoline, what music is popular, the Oscar-winning movie of that year, who is President of our country and what clothing fads are popular.
Then I tell the child of our beliefs and explain that Christianity is not something that is handed down from generation to generation but that it is a personal belief...a relationship with Jesus Christ. I tell them that they have been prayed for and loved all their life and that we have tried to be role models. Now the choices are up to them.
This letter is to be opened on their 12th birthday. We have already celebrated two such "Openings" and I can't express the joy we feel inside when these children assure us of their love for us and the Lord, and thank us for thinking ahead and writing 'the letter'.
TUCK INS
When You Can't Be There
Goodnight stories from a loving grandparent are especially nice if you live at a distance. I recorded the entire Mother Goose book for my first grandchild. Example:
"Hi Chrissy. It's Gramma. I just came to tell you a goodnight story. Lay your head down on the pillow and listen quietly: (read a verse or two from Mother Goose)".
"Goodnight, Sweetie. Sleep tight. Gramma loves you. (Another option would be to end the session with a goodnight kiss and a child's prayer)".
Vary the script for each night of the week, so you don't sound stale or repetitious.
ABC RHYMES
Re-cycled Christmas Cards
Their first Christmas is a nice time to present a scrapbook of ABC's. You'll have to plan ahead for this one. Save your Christmas cards each year. Cut the front pictures off and discard the back. Then sort through them and find a suitable picture or design for each of the Alphabet verses (see Appendix A:)
The parent can establish a tradition of reading their Christmas ABC book each year. They will be the only child in their neighborhood with such a special book personalized with their grandparents greeting cards. It's environmentally smart to re-cycle, too.
WISH BOOK
Their Own Toy Catalog
As they grow, and become interested in toy catalogs, I tear out a children's toy section of the Sears or Penney's catalogs and make a construction paper cover with their name on it. You can name it something cute and special for that particular child, or just personalize it with a wide felt-tipped pen. Because we have ten grandchildren (and 13 Greats) and we shop after-Christmas sales in January for the following holiday, I always tell them in advance that Gramma has already done her shopping, so there are no great expectations from me. It does let the parents know what the child wants, and since 'wanting' a thing is part of the pure joy of receiving, it seems to stretch the enjoyment of Christmas.
OPEN HOUSE
The Grand Time of Year
All the grands know that August is the time to visit us. The weather is the best at the beach this time of year, and we don't choose to go on trips during the summer.
We postpone household projects and plan the month as 'play-time'. We keep 'cross-over' visits with other cousins to a minimum...enough time to bond with each other, but not long enough for chaos. Last summer was an exception due to a mix-up and we had all nine grands at once. Great for pictures which we cherish, but bad for Gramma, the chief cook and bottle washer. Bath time was totally un-real! The washer and dryer and dishwasher were on constantly. We don't recommend this as a regular thing.
DRESSING UP
Thrift Shop Style
Rather than discarding out of style clothing, I save some of it in a special box for "dress rehearsals'. All children love to dress up. If you don't have discards of your own, a trip to the Thrift Shop will be productive. Included in the 'prop box' are wigs, junk jewelry, old hats and high heeled shoes from the days I could still wear them! I take it a step or two further with the aid of electronics. We do a pretend play. They choose the setting, possibly from something they've seen on TV or read in a book. They practice it with their brother's, sister's or cousins and then when they are ready, Gramma appears with the Camcorder to record it for posterity.
One summer, two cousins were here from Arizona at the same time as the California cousins. It wasn't long before they had cooked up the idea of a 'blind date'. I decorated the kitchen table with placemats, and flowers, and they provided the imagination. It was especially hilarious since the boy cousins from each family were about three years younger than the girls. After their initial apprehension about 'dating' they caught on quickly and played along actually coming up with quite interesting dialogue. That time, I hid a tape recorder on the table, as well as doing the video, so each cousin got a copy of the tape to take home with them.
CRAFTS
Homemade Creativity
In our yard we have two gorgeous Torrey Pine trees. They are an endangered species that grow only two places in the world. I thought there must be something I could do with all the pine needles, and sure enough the local college offered a class in coiling Torrey Pine Needle Baskets. I took a couple of semesters and re-cycled all those falling needles into a craft. It wasn't long before The Grands became interested too. Most were too young to do the coiling, but they all got into helping to gather the healthiest five prong needles into the basket box. The collector's could range in age from two to ten...it didn't matter...it was a family project, and you could hear their voices all over the hillside "That ones too short!" "Lay it this way...don't just throw it in the box", "That's ones broken!" "Too short!" "Too long!". They had a job now at Gramma's, house and each time they came they asked if I needed more pine needles. It wasn't long before they wanted to help 'cook them' in the glycerine water to soften their shafts. Then we learned to dye them from onion leaves and beets. We dyed raffia too. Soon, the coiling lessons began, and simple hot plate mats were made. It won't be long before another generation will have learned Torrey Pines basketmaking from nuisance needles that kept falling on the circular drive. Children do what you do. It's still the same as with their parents generation.
I also enjoy crocheting. The girl-grands have taken to that craft very naturally, first crocheting with their fingers, and then with a hook, using up odds and ends of yarn leftover from sweaters I have made for them. Granny Squares are especially good projects for assorted and sundry colors because they take such small bits of yarn.. They like helping me with things I make for the church bazaar. Last Christmas one granddaughter made pot holders for their own craft sale. When they see you enjoy the crafts you're doing, they want to get in on the fun!
Since we live at the beach, collecting sea shells is a natural and visiting the tide pools is fun. Wherever you live, there is something special about that place to pique a child's interest. Even if it's bug-collecting. Let them hammer nails into jar lids to make air holes for a collection of critters to take home. You'd be surprised at how many parent's don't have the time today to explore these interests with your grandchildren. It's up to you to teach them the fun stuff! It's an old, old saying, but the best things in life are still free!
THE GRAND WALL
Who Do We Look Like?
We've all heard about the Great Wall of China and that it's the only manmade thing that can be seen from outer space, but did you know the unseen benefits of a Grand Wall to the inner space of a child? We have one wall in the house that is devoted to candid pictures of all The Grands. I did not realize how important it was until one of The Grands told me that her other grandparents didn't love her. When I asked her how she knew this her answer was "They don't have any pictures of me at their house." From then on I probably over did it with little framed pictures of them all over the house. I even have a handbag that has picture pockets all over the outside. It's called a Brag Bag. In case nobody asks to see pictures of your grandchildren, your purse says it all, a walking billboard of cute little faces. Self esteem soars when the grandchildren feel you care enough to show them off to your friends at all times. See Appendix B.
When I see The Grands pictures it is always a reminder for me to pray for them wherever they are. Each morning I surround them with prayer as they go off to sitters, nurseries or school. The enemy is everywhere and I count my opportunities of prayer a privilege.
READING
Turn The TV Off
We encourage reading in every way we can. We read to the Grands each night before we tuck them in bed and hear their prayers. We visit the library and choose some suitable books for them. We read the Bible in front of them as we have quiet time each morning. They want to hear "Thoughts for the Day" or "Daily Bread" because we read these on a regular basis. They always want to do what we do!
As they learn to read in school, we tape record them, so they can hear themselves read a book. They love it. It is especially nice when we can compare their improvement to last years tape. You should hear the and giggles over mistakes they made last year. "Remember when I couldn't even say spaghetti?" It can be fun when they know they are improving all the time.
JOURNALING
The Art Of Real Communication
As the children grow and learn to read and write, the fun begins. We encourage them to write down all their feelings at the end of the day. What we did...what we ate...how we inter-acted as an extended family. I happen to be in an on-going class at Adult-Ed called WRITING THE STORIES OF YOUR LIFE. I read to them from this book of memories about their parents, our child-hoods, the great depression, World War II. It encourages them to write their own memories. Plus it gives them a record of their summer vacations with us from year to year.
PHOTOGRAPH ALBUMS
The Going Home Gift
I allot one roll of film to each visiting grandchild. We try to record field trips, visits to the Zoo, beach or amusement parks. Nothing is too trivial to record if the child is having fun doing it. At the end of their visit, we make a little trip to the store and purchase an inexpensive album in which to place the pictures of their summer vacation at the Grandparent's. That's what memories are made of!
TIME WELL SPENT
The Best Kind Of Tired You Can Be
Perhaps you're exhausted just reading all this. Grandparenting can be a big job, but it also helps you to relive your childhood and that special time when these children's parents were entrusted to you. A chance to see the similarities...the differences. What rewards! There's nothing more wonderful than hearing a small voice in the night saying "Gramma, this is the most fun I've had in my whole life!" and all we're doing is sleeping out in our motorhome in our own back yard.!
Between writing to them each month, remembering birthdays, Valentines Day, Easter and Christmas, the hours do add up. There's so much wonder to pass on to the next generation, that we just get caught up in the pure pleasure of it all. It's work, it's play, it's tiring and it's fun. It's the best kind of tired you can be.
We try to make our gift giving of a spiritual or educational nature and now that some of the children are old enough, we provide the funds to send them to the church camp of their choice, as well as coming to our home for a visit. What better way to show love to their parents than to give love to their children.
We make every effort not to cross over the boundaries set by their parents and not to spoil them rotten. But to love with an unconditional love, so that they know they are special in the eyes of their grandparents and that we have time for them. That they are as special to us as their parents were.
In a day when it seems to be more fashionable for grandparents to be globe-trotting or snow-birding for their own pleasure, we know that in the light of eternity it is the best choice to be the best grandparents we can be.
There's a good role model in the White House. And at our house. How about at your house?
Labels: Chicken Recipe, Chicken Recipes, Recipes
